Kids and Loss
A week ago my family experienced the loss of my aunt. The saddest part for me is the feeling that I never got a chance to know her very well. She didn't live locally most of my life and the time she did spend living near me was after she had had a stroke and didn't communicate very well. I do have some amazing memories of the summer when I was nine and I visited her and my uncle outside of DC for a couple weeks.
We have had a few deaths in our family over the past few years. It wasn't quite two years ago that we lost our beloved pooch, a loss that Marcus and Will definitely felt since she was a member of our household. The boys still talk about their first family dog, particularly when they see photos of her. Although they didn't know my aunt very well either, she was someone they often saw at family gatherings and someone who was always able to get them roaring with laughter. It was hard to let them know that she passed away but they both agreed that she is now in heaven with our pooch.
Greg and I have decided not to shield our kids from a lot of things in life. Not that we want to bombard them with violent images on TV or discuss every aspect of the news with them, but death is a part of life and we figure it is a part they need to know about. With the other family deaths they have been around for, there was no viewing. There was a viewing with my aunt and Greg and I agreed that Marcus and Will would attend.
We talked about it very briefly before we left. We didn't want to make too big of a deal about it and make them over think things, but we knew we better prepare them. We started off by just mentioning that we were going to see their aunt, but it was just her body now because she had died. Marcus announced, "It will just be her bones." A couple weeks ago when we went to see the dinosaurs at the museum, we assured the kids that there was nothing to be afraid of because the dinosaurs were dead and it was just their bones left. So we had to stress that those dinosaurs were only bones because they died a LONG time ago, but their aunt would still look like their aunt.
Just before we left we explained that there would be people there that might be crying and be sad, and that is okay. It is okay to be sad because we won't get to see our aunt for a long time. Also, there was no need to worry if Mommy or Daddy was crying either because we are just sad but will be okay. We also told them it was very important to be quiet and act like big people because this normally was something only big people get to do.
I have no idea if we handled things the "right" way or not, but that is how we handled it. I am sure it helped since my aunt was someone they were familiar with, but not someone they were really close with. Neither of them had any questions for us after we saw my aunt for the last time so I think it all went smoothly.
It was nice to get to see several of my cousins who live out of town. I only wish they would have been in town for a different reason. I'm glad to know that my aunt is in heaven now and no longer trapped inside her body that was affected by her stroke. I am willing to bet that Aunt Shirley and Uncle Pat are up there being as goofy as always as they play endless rounds of golf.
My aunt and I at my baby shower four years ago when she assisted that I sit on her lap for the photo.
We have had a few deaths in our family over the past few years. It wasn't quite two years ago that we lost our beloved pooch, a loss that Marcus and Will definitely felt since she was a member of our household. The boys still talk about their first family dog, particularly when they see photos of her. Although they didn't know my aunt very well either, she was someone they often saw at family gatherings and someone who was always able to get them roaring with laughter. It was hard to let them know that she passed away but they both agreed that she is now in heaven with our pooch.
Greg and I have decided not to shield our kids from a lot of things in life. Not that we want to bombard them with violent images on TV or discuss every aspect of the news with them, but death is a part of life and we figure it is a part they need to know about. With the other family deaths they have been around for, there was no viewing. There was a viewing with my aunt and Greg and I agreed that Marcus and Will would attend.
We talked about it very briefly before we left. We didn't want to make too big of a deal about it and make them over think things, but we knew we better prepare them. We started off by just mentioning that we were going to see their aunt, but it was just her body now because she had died. Marcus announced, "It will just be her bones." A couple weeks ago when we went to see the dinosaurs at the museum, we assured the kids that there was nothing to be afraid of because the dinosaurs were dead and it was just their bones left. So we had to stress that those dinosaurs were only bones because they died a LONG time ago, but their aunt would still look like their aunt.
Just before we left we explained that there would be people there that might be crying and be sad, and that is okay. It is okay to be sad because we won't get to see our aunt for a long time. Also, there was no need to worry if Mommy or Daddy was crying either because we are just sad but will be okay. We also told them it was very important to be quiet and act like big people because this normally was something only big people get to do.
I have no idea if we handled things the "right" way or not, but that is how we handled it. I am sure it helped since my aunt was someone they were familiar with, but not someone they were really close with. Neither of them had any questions for us after we saw my aunt for the last time so I think it all went smoothly.
It was nice to get to see several of my cousins who live out of town. I only wish they would have been in town for a different reason. I'm glad to know that my aunt is in heaven now and no longer trapped inside her body that was affected by her stroke. I am willing to bet that Aunt Shirley and Uncle Pat are up there being as goofy as always as they play endless rounds of golf.
My aunt and I at my baby shower four years ago when she assisted that I sit on her lap for the photo.
posted by Annie and Greg @ 2:23 PM
0 comments
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home