I feel like my blog has been rather neglected over the past few months. It hasn't been for lack of content to blog about necessarily. It is mostly because I just can't find the energy to whip out the computer, take ten minutes to find a comfortable position to sit in, then realize I have to pee before getting situated again, and finally typing something up. This growing babies stuff is hard work.
But I now can say almost completely confidently, that all this growing baby work is going to be worth it. Not that I ever thought two new members of my family would not be worth the effort, it is just that I have had my doubts whether all this effort would result in two babies. I had my doubts that even getting pregnant would be a possibility. Then when we found out that it was twins, I had even more doubts that my body could go the distance. I was in serious doubt that I would make it out of the first trimester without the loss of one or both babies. I have a reproductive issue that drastically increases the chance of miscarriage and stillbirths. (Even the word "stillbirth" makes me sick to my stomach.) Yet, I managed to watch the weeks tick away. First 12 weeks were done and I had made it out of the first trimester when most losses occur. Then I made it to the point that miscarriages became highly unlikely. Then I hit 20 weeks where if something happened to the babies, it would no longer be classified as a miscarriage and would become a stillbirth. I couldn't stop smiling the day I was 24 weeks. At 24 weeks, babies have their first fighting chance at living outside the womb. Babies born at 26 weeks have an 80% survival rate, which is impressive that babies so tiny could survive, but the fact that 20% of babies born at that gestational age don't make it still had me quite on edge. Just two days ago I hit 28 weeks. I woke up at 3 am (because I had to pee of course) and my first thought was, "I am 28 weeks right now!" I've hit another huge milestone in this pregnancy. Survival rate is way up at this point and the chances of life long health problems due to prematurity is way down. I have hit the home stretch. In 2.5 months or less, we will all finally be able to meet these little guys!
Best of all, as miserable as I am lugging this giant belly around and having every inch of my body ache, I am not showing any signs of going to into labor any time soon. That isn't to say it couldn't happen at the drop of a hat, but it doesn't seem likely. I have managed to get myself familiar with the labor and delivery department at the hospital since I did have one day where I was having contractions that ended up stopping and last Friday I got to hang out there to be monitored for an issue somewhat unrelated to the continued growing of these babies. I have such a wonderful group of doctors (yes, I have to deal with an entire group of doctors, not just one) that are always on top of my care. So much so that woman who does the scheduling of appointments and I have come to recognize each others voices on the phone.
In addition to being physically exhausted, I am also rather mentally exhausted as well. And bored. Can one be bored mentally and exhausted mentally at the same time? Yes, because I am. I haven't been put on any physical limitations by my doctors (which is AMAZING), but I certainly am not capable of doing much these days. I try to cook dinner and do a load of laundry every day, but some days that is still too much for me to handle. I am left doing a lot of nothing. My back pain makes it difficult for me to sit for too long, so I often find myself in the one position where I am not miserable - laying flat on my side in bed. I can't be very crafty with my hands in that position or I would be knitting. I can read, but even though I love reading, it gets tedious at times. I have tried surfing the net or emailing but typing is nearly impossible in that position and there is only so much staring at my iphone I can manage. Movies are good... but really, how many movies can one person watch? I can cuddle with Marcus or Will or just talk with them or read to them in my bed, but it can only be one kid at a time or else they think my bed is a trampoline and they love to be on the move so getting them to cuddle with me long doesn't happen. Mostly I lay there thinking of all the things I had really wanted to accomplish before these babies arrive. The babies have beds, but they aren't set up yet. The babies have clothes that are mostly organized, but not well enough to suit my type A personality. The babies have a room that isn't ready for them and is still currently occupied by their brother. I know the logical thing would be to cash in on some help that has been offered to me but as I mentioned, I have that type A personality that means that in order for it to be done the right way, I am the only one who can do it. I guess I should just succumb to the fact that it will never get done. If it can't be done before the babies arrive, no chance in hell that it will happen after they arrive!
Mostly I lay around and can't stop thinking about just how blessed I am. Miracle is a bit of a strong word, but it is truly amazing to me that I have been able to make it so far in this pregnancy when all odds have been against me. So many expected moms to twins end up on bedrest sometime midway through the second trimester. I have hit the third trimester and all my resting is bed is mainly voluntary. I am blessed to have a fantastic family, particularly a mother who is able to cart my kids to and from preschool every day and entertain them for endless hours just so I can hang out in my bed. I am blessed to have the most amazing group of friends. Nine of my closest friends got together and set up a schedule so that from the end of October through the beginning of January, they are showing up at my house to entertain me and/or my kids to help break of the monotony of me not really feeling up to going anywhere. I am blessed with a husband who has been understanding beyond all expectations and has never once complained about all the extra household work he has had to take over. I am blessed with Marcus and Will who have been so flexible with the fact that their mommy spends so much time in bed lately. And of course, I have been blessed with these two little angels that spend their days and nights kicking me in my ribs and headbutting my bladder and are growing just perfectly.