The Future
I'm naive. Not so much as I was back when we were waiting for Marcus to come home. I filled the time reading books and had decided exactly the type of parent I was going to be. I knew the facts. I did the research. I knew how I was going to implement the steps to be that mom of my fantasy. I knew how I would handle getting him to sleep at night. I knew how I would handle feeding him. I just knew it all. That was until the second he was placed in my arms.
Apparently I forgot to read the book that explained that my kid (or your kid, or any other kid you ever met) is not going to go along with your plan. I missed that other book that explains that most of parenting is about winging it, flying by the seat of your pants, and making it up as you go along. And I am certain that no one has even bothered to write the parenting book that explains that no matter what kind of expectations you have for yourself and the kind of parent you will be, none of that will override the fact that you have a well molded personality that is what it is no matter what.
Out the door went cosleeping because Marcus had been sleeping in his own crib for months and really had no need or desire for it. Out the door went all my plans to run swiftly to his side the second he whimpered in the night because I was so exhausted that I usually didn't hear him and Greg got there first anyway and often took care of him without me ever realizing. Out the door went my plan for Marcus to fit smoothly into our lives since our lives at the time didn't accommodate for nap time and long, frequent feedings and his need for downtime.
You would think I would have learned. Instead we jumped into our wait for Will and I jumped into a whole new world of fantasy and expectations about the future in my head. With two kids, they would play together. They would be on the same schedule, or more importantly, Will would be happy to suddenly jump into the schedule the rest of us were on. Yeah, I was dumb again.
This time I am doing it right. Or at least trying to. I am trying not to even bother to think about what it will be like when we have two more little boys in this house. I do have a few expectations. Or really just one. I expect to be completely overwhelmed and tired for the next 18 years. I have no clue if these babies will be ready to come home a few days after they are born or if they will have a stay in the hospital. I have no clue how well they will handle their feedings or how long a feeding will take. Actually, I have no clue what to even expect of newborns since I have never had one in my house for more than a few hours.
I am keeping myself even from thinking too much about how Marcus and Will are going to be with everything. We talk about the babies and so far everything seems to be going well. (Or at least it is going better than the first time I mentioned to Marus he was going to have two new brothers and he started screaming "Nooooo!!!!") Will loves babies. He loves playing with them and holding them and rocking them and doing anything he can think of to care for them. But, he isn't around them every minute of every day so I am refraining from having too many expectations that he will have any interest in doing those things with his little brothers. Marcus loves being the big brother and is not so fond of having Will steal the spotlight. Obviously I have some fears about how having two babies in the house that need lots of extra attention is going to weigh on him. But he also has this intense sensitive side. Each time I lay down in my bed he comes in and asks if I want my teddy bear or if there is anything that he can get for me. He is a helper at heart so maybe I have no reason to expect much jealousy from him. The other day Marcus put his hands on the sides of my belly completely unprompted and then pressed his ear up against my skin. He said, "Hi babies. I want to play with you." I never expected my heart to be smiling so big.
I have no idea what to expect or what the future might hold. I do know that even though it might take awhile, it will all work itself out. And I totally expect to forget that point when I am sleep deprived and all four of my children are screaming at the same time.
Apparently I forgot to read the book that explained that my kid (or your kid, or any other kid you ever met) is not going to go along with your plan. I missed that other book that explains that most of parenting is about winging it, flying by the seat of your pants, and making it up as you go along. And I am certain that no one has even bothered to write the parenting book that explains that no matter what kind of expectations you have for yourself and the kind of parent you will be, none of that will override the fact that you have a well molded personality that is what it is no matter what.
Out the door went cosleeping because Marcus had been sleeping in his own crib for months and really had no need or desire for it. Out the door went all my plans to run swiftly to his side the second he whimpered in the night because I was so exhausted that I usually didn't hear him and Greg got there first anyway and often took care of him without me ever realizing. Out the door went my plan for Marcus to fit smoothly into our lives since our lives at the time didn't accommodate for nap time and long, frequent feedings and his need for downtime.
You would think I would have learned. Instead we jumped into our wait for Will and I jumped into a whole new world of fantasy and expectations about the future in my head. With two kids, they would play together. They would be on the same schedule, or more importantly, Will would be happy to suddenly jump into the schedule the rest of us were on. Yeah, I was dumb again.
This time I am doing it right. Or at least trying to. I am trying not to even bother to think about what it will be like when we have two more little boys in this house. I do have a few expectations. Or really just one. I expect to be completely overwhelmed and tired for the next 18 years. I have no clue if these babies will be ready to come home a few days after they are born or if they will have a stay in the hospital. I have no clue how well they will handle their feedings or how long a feeding will take. Actually, I have no clue what to even expect of newborns since I have never had one in my house for more than a few hours.
I am keeping myself even from thinking too much about how Marcus and Will are going to be with everything. We talk about the babies and so far everything seems to be going well. (Or at least it is going better than the first time I mentioned to Marus he was going to have two new brothers and he started screaming "Nooooo!!!!") Will loves babies. He loves playing with them and holding them and rocking them and doing anything he can think of to care for them. But, he isn't around them every minute of every day so I am refraining from having too many expectations that he will have any interest in doing those things with his little brothers. Marcus loves being the big brother and is not so fond of having Will steal the spotlight. Obviously I have some fears about how having two babies in the house that need lots of extra attention is going to weigh on him. But he also has this intense sensitive side. Each time I lay down in my bed he comes in and asks if I want my teddy bear or if there is anything that he can get for me. He is a helper at heart so maybe I have no reason to expect much jealousy from him. The other day Marcus put his hands on the sides of my belly completely unprompted and then pressed his ear up against my skin. He said, "Hi babies. I want to play with you." I never expected my heart to be smiling so big.
I have no idea what to expect or what the future might hold. I do know that even though it might take awhile, it will all work itself out. And I totally expect to forget that point when I am sleep deprived and all four of my children are screaming at the same time.
posted by Annie and Greg @ 2:38 PM
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