Let's Talk About Race
Race. It is every one's favorite subject. The one that no one wants to speak about, I think because no one wants to say something wrong. I'm going to talk about it anyway. And I am sure I am going to say something wrong so I apologize ahead of time.
When I think back to my childhood, I am not sure I realized that there were more than two races. Everyone was either white or black. And in the town I grew up in - the town I still live in - most everyone was white. In fact there was only one black kid in my class through the fifth grade and it took me until the end of fifth grade to even realize he was black. I just thought he had a good tan. I can think of only three black people that I would consider acquaintances of mine all the way through high school. It wasn't until college that I finally had my first black friend. Then the school year ended and we lost touch.
I by no means avoided people of other races. People of other races just haven't been readily available in my life. Not until 5 years ago. Suddenly each and every day I would wake up to find a Hispanic person living in my house. Then four years ago, two Hispanic people were in my house and in my life every single day. I found myself far more aware of race. People would look at me and my kids when I was out and I could never be sure if they were looking because babies are just darn cute, or if they were looking because we were different races.
A few weeks ago Marcus had "Kinder Camp". He got a chance to meet his teachers, meet the kids in his class, see his school, and get an idea of what kindergarten would be like. When I dropped him off, I got to see all the kids that would be going into kindergarten with him. There I was taking a survey of the races of all the kids. I spotted three African American kids and was over the moon with the fact that two of them were going to be in Marcus's class, including one boy Marcus knew from his baseball team this summer. Up until a few years ago, I never thought I would care what race his classmates were. Now I'm glad he won't be the only non-white person in his class.
So far, Marcus hasn't had any questions about his race. We talk often with Marcus and Will about how all our skin is different colors and all our hair is different colors. We have talked about how his black friend from his baseball team that is in his class has really dark skin. I feel like maybe we should talk about racism but I don't have any idea how to address that subject with a 5 year old, particularly since I haven't been exposed much to it myself.
A friend of mine has a (white) son in kindergarten that is much more diverse than Marcus's school. A day into school and this little boy came home with some tough questions. My friend and I discussed how hard it is to talk about race because it is one of those important subjects where you just don't want to mess up the conversation. I remembered something I read on Ask Moxie about a discussion of a chapter in a book about white parents talking about race with their kids. (The short version is that white parents just don't talk to their kids about race, and in general what white people do to teach their kids about race is just not enough.) I thought that maybe surrounding ourselves with other multicultural families and being educated in the subject through our adoption agency would give me a leg up. I am still clueless.
I remember during one of the seminars we attended through our adoption agency that the social worker was talking about race in our families. She said that when our kids reach grade school age, us parents begin to forget in a way that we are a different race than our children. We become so comfortable with how our families look and see our children as nothing else than just our children and don't notice the skin. However, it is at this same age that our children begin to notices the differences in people and in themselves.
I've gone through life with the message driven home that race doesn't matter. I want my kids to grow up thinking the same thing. And yet, to make race not matter, I feel like it needs to be a bigger part of our life and frequent conversations.
When I think back to my childhood, I am not sure I realized that there were more than two races. Everyone was either white or black. And in the town I grew up in - the town I still live in - most everyone was white. In fact there was only one black kid in my class through the fifth grade and it took me until the end of fifth grade to even realize he was black. I just thought he had a good tan. I can think of only three black people that I would consider acquaintances of mine all the way through high school. It wasn't until college that I finally had my first black friend. Then the school year ended and we lost touch.
I by no means avoided people of other races. People of other races just haven't been readily available in my life. Not until 5 years ago. Suddenly each and every day I would wake up to find a Hispanic person living in my house. Then four years ago, two Hispanic people were in my house and in my life every single day. I found myself far more aware of race. People would look at me and my kids when I was out and I could never be sure if they were looking because babies are just darn cute, or if they were looking because we were different races.
A few weeks ago Marcus had "Kinder Camp". He got a chance to meet his teachers, meet the kids in his class, see his school, and get an idea of what kindergarten would be like. When I dropped him off, I got to see all the kids that would be going into kindergarten with him. There I was taking a survey of the races of all the kids. I spotted three African American kids and was over the moon with the fact that two of them were going to be in Marcus's class, including one boy Marcus knew from his baseball team this summer. Up until a few years ago, I never thought I would care what race his classmates were. Now I'm glad he won't be the only non-white person in his class.
So far, Marcus hasn't had any questions about his race. We talk often with Marcus and Will about how all our skin is different colors and all our hair is different colors. We have talked about how his black friend from his baseball team that is in his class has really dark skin. I feel like maybe we should talk about racism but I don't have any idea how to address that subject with a 5 year old, particularly since I haven't been exposed much to it myself.
A friend of mine has a (white) son in kindergarten that is much more diverse than Marcus's school. A day into school and this little boy came home with some tough questions. My friend and I discussed how hard it is to talk about race because it is one of those important subjects where you just don't want to mess up the conversation. I remembered something I read on Ask Moxie about a discussion of a chapter in a book about white parents talking about race with their kids. (The short version is that white parents just don't talk to their kids about race, and in general what white people do to teach their kids about race is just not enough.) I thought that maybe surrounding ourselves with other multicultural families and being educated in the subject through our adoption agency would give me a leg up. I am still clueless.
I remember during one of the seminars we attended through our adoption agency that the social worker was talking about race in our families. She said that when our kids reach grade school age, us parents begin to forget in a way that we are a different race than our children. We become so comfortable with how our families look and see our children as nothing else than just our children and don't notice the skin. However, it is at this same age that our children begin to notices the differences in people and in themselves.
I've gone through life with the message driven home that race doesn't matter. I want my kids to grow up thinking the same thing. And yet, to make race not matter, I feel like it needs to be a bigger part of our life and frequent conversations.
posted by Annie and Greg @ 9:21 PM
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