Gratitude

For a long time now I have been saying that I like my dog better than most people. That certainly still holds true but I think I have underestimated the goodness of people. I am truly overwhelmed by all the people who are helping me through this very difficult time. As well as posting here on my blog, I also talked about the passing of my dear friend on Facebook and a local message board that I have been active on for years. People that I have never met are lending me a shoulder to cry on and I certainly need it! The most unexpected people have reached out to me. The words that have touched me most are memories that other people are sharing of my pooch. It is amazing how many lives my girl was a part of during her stay on Earth.

“Outta anybody’s dog, she was by far my favorite.” – Abbie



I've gotten countless emails (that someday I will get up the energy and strength to respond to), cards, ecards, phone calls, prayers, and people just being there for me. Thank you to everyone! I want to give a special shout out to Amanda who posted a dedication on her blog, Jill who has never even met the pooch but still posted on her blog about her, and Melissa who posted on her blog about the pooch too.

“She was, by far, the most stylin' lab in Motown!” – Kara, referring to the times we painted the pooch's toenails



Part of me feels like I am supposed to suck it because she was just a dog. As anyone who has ever met her will tell you, she was anything but just a dog. Sure, I might be biased but the friends I have and the strangers whose lives she has passed through are not. I cannot honestly think of a single time I have had her out playing in public that at least one person didn't stop to watch her. Not by trying or showing off but just by being her, she has made so many people smile, even if just for a second. When we hiked together or used to take walks on the "rails to trails" trail in my college town, I kept her off the leash. She would run ahead until she saw someone else approaching us. Then she would come running back to me, take a place at my side so that my fingertips were brushing against her neck, and wait for the other hikers/walkers to pass. Inevitably people would say, "Now that's a good dog." Even up to her last few minutes of life, she was touching lives. A vet technician brought her to us so we could say our final goodbye. The woman had just met Peyote a few hours earlier and as she handed me her leash, tears were rolling down her face and she said, "I am so sorry. She is such a sweet girl." I spent a long time yesterday writing about many of my memories of her that I never want to fade. Maybe someday I will share more of my memories here and today I would love to hear memories that you have of my sweet baby girl.

“I have never been so comfortable around a dog as I have always been around your special girl. She's truly a treasure. “ – Amy



I have felt physically ill for the past few days but that is starting to pass. I finally feel like eating again. I spent two days crying hysterically but today it has evolved into a horrible sadness with only a few tears spilling over. Marcus and Will ask frequently, "Peyote go?" I can finally answer them without scaring them with my cracking voice and those faces I make when I am crying really hard but trying not to cry. I tell them she has gone to the beach in the sky and it makes mommy sad. They seem content with this answer. Sleep is still not coming easily. There was a time yesterday when I felt that this storm would never pass. I know today that in time I will heal as much as a person can ever heal from the loss of someone they loved so deeply.

"Peyote was a wonderful part of our family and we will remember her always!" – my sister Kim



I hope that when my time comes to move on, I can go as gracefully and with as little fuss as my pooch did. She still acted as a pup all summer long and even in the past couple weeks was playing fetch like a pro and chasing me down the hill when we were sled riding. Right after Thanksgiving she didn't eat her breakfast one morning. I had never seen her pass up food and instantly I knew that something bad was happening. I chose to live in denial and the pooch helped me do that by sometimes having her normal appetite and other times walking away from her food. Last week my worrying intensified because she was acting normal - normal for a dog half her age. Instead of sleeping so much, she wanted to spend all her time cuddling with me and playing ball. She knew her time was coming and wanted to make the best of it. I knew too. I just didn't know it would be so soon. Monday night she started doing this strange breathing thing on and off and Tuesday at the first vet we went to it was determined that she has a massive amount of fluid in her chest. Lots of draining and tests and me phoning the vet hospital practically every hour, a mass was located on both lungs. The option was extensive and invasive testing followed by chemo with a poor likelihood of recovery. Around 12:15 on Wednesday afternoon I told the vet that I would be headed in later that afternoon to put her to rest. Apart from those last 24 hours, she was healthy and happy.


“Peyote was more than a dog, she was your best friend, your child, and every thing in between.” – Bethany



I feel like I finally get it. I always knew that the day would come when Peyote would move on and leave me here alone. I have lost pets before and it was sad. This was not the loss of a pet. This was the loss of a family member, one that just happens to be covered in fur. My heart goes out to anyone else in this world who aches for their companions.