Obligatory Post
I decided I would just post this here rather than trying to explain to everyone in our lives what are intentions are after William comes home. This shouldn't be news to anyone really since it is the same parenting tactics that we used when Marcus came home.
First of all, we obviously can't wait for him to get home and we can't wait for everyone we know and everyone we don't know to get to meet him. However, I would like to post a few guidelines that have been suggested to us by our pediatrician, an expert in internationally adopted children, so there are no surprises.
Yes, you can definitely come over. We just ask that you call first and that you don't bring 600 people with you. We love to have company. I just don't want to have a full house right away while William is still adjusting to life with his new family and his new home. If William seems to get overwhelmed easily we may ask you to leave after just a short visit. We like you. It has nothing to do with you personally. And when you come over, you are not to notice any dirty dishes in the sink, dust in every corner, and dog hair on the floor.
Yes, you can hold William, as long as it is okay with him. William needs to understand from the beginning that Mommy and Daddy are there to comfort him in order to start the bonding process. If he cries, he returns to the arms of me or Greg. Understand that this might not even be an issue. We had this same guideline when Marcus came home and he was content on being passed around the room. The general rule is, if he is happy, we are happy.
No, you can't feed him. You can't change his diaper or bathe him either. Please don't ask because it will be a waste of breath. It is all about the bonding. Greg and I have to be the ones catering to William's basic needs so he learns to trust us and eventually for love to grow between us. We don't know how long the feeding/changing/bathing thing will last but we will let you know when we feel that the attachment between us and our son is strong enough to start to let this guideline be a thing of the past.
Update -- 11/07/07 9:26PM
I just wanted to add something that's probably obvious, but I'll say it anyway: William is older than Marcus was when he came home. Doctors and other families in our situation say that the adjustment period tends to be more difficult as a child gets older, and at such a young age, each month really does make a difference. Of course every kid is different and we'll hope for the best, but plan for the worst. So if Thanksgiving comes around and we've only been home for a couple of days, don't be shocked if we don't want to leave home. A long car ride and a bunch of crazy relatives probably isn't the easiest way to start a new life.
--Greg
That is it. We don't ask that you agree with our parenting choices but just that you respect them. If this is an issue I would suggest that you contact our pediatrician with any concerns/questions you might have about our parenting decisions (contact info available upon request) and that you shut your mouth and let us raise our own child as we see fit :)
(That last part was supposed to be funny, in case the joke got lost in the text.)
To lighten the mood, here is the fabulous conversation I had with a lady in my break room at work yesterday. The woman had overheard that I was going to Guatemala but didn't even know why I was headed there.
Lady: Aren't you scared of bandits in Guatemala?
Me: Why would I be scared of bandits?
Lady: I heard there were lots of bandits in third world countries.
Me: I have been there three times and I haven't seen a bandit. What does a bandit look like?
Lady: You probably stay in the resort areas, huh?
Me: We stay in the city.
Lady: I saw this movie once, true story, about these tourists that went to a third world country. They were kidnapped. Then they were killed and their organs were sold.
Me: That's funny since a lot of people in Guatemala think that I am traveling there to take their children and steal their organs.
First of all, we obviously can't wait for him to get home and we can't wait for everyone we know and everyone we don't know to get to meet him. However, I would like to post a few guidelines that have been suggested to us by our pediatrician, an expert in internationally adopted children, so there are no surprises.
Yes, you can definitely come over. We just ask that you call first and that you don't bring 600 people with you. We love to have company. I just don't want to have a full house right away while William is still adjusting to life with his new family and his new home. If William seems to get overwhelmed easily we may ask you to leave after just a short visit. We like you. It has nothing to do with you personally. And when you come over, you are not to notice any dirty dishes in the sink, dust in every corner, and dog hair on the floor.
Yes, you can hold William, as long as it is okay with him. William needs to understand from the beginning that Mommy and Daddy are there to comfort him in order to start the bonding process. If he cries, he returns to the arms of me or Greg. Understand that this might not even be an issue. We had this same guideline when Marcus came home and he was content on being passed around the room. The general rule is, if he is happy, we are happy.
No, you can't feed him. You can't change his diaper or bathe him either. Please don't ask because it will be a waste of breath. It is all about the bonding. Greg and I have to be the ones catering to William's basic needs so he learns to trust us and eventually for love to grow between us. We don't know how long the feeding/changing/bathing thing will last but we will let you know when we feel that the attachment between us and our son is strong enough to start to let this guideline be a thing of the past.
Update -- 11/07/07 9:26PM
I just wanted to add something that's probably obvious, but I'll say it anyway: William is older than Marcus was when he came home. Doctors and other families in our situation say that the adjustment period tends to be more difficult as a child gets older, and at such a young age, each month really does make a difference. Of course every kid is different and we'll hope for the best, but plan for the worst. So if Thanksgiving comes around and we've only been home for a couple of days, don't be shocked if we don't want to leave home. A long car ride and a bunch of crazy relatives probably isn't the easiest way to start a new life.
--Greg
That is it. We don't ask that you agree with our parenting choices but just that you respect them. If this is an issue I would suggest that you contact our pediatrician with any concerns/questions you might have about our parenting decisions (contact info available upon request) and that you shut your mouth and let us raise our own child as we see fit :)
(That last part was supposed to be funny, in case the joke got lost in the text.)
To lighten the mood, here is the fabulous conversation I had with a lady in my break room at work yesterday. The woman had overheard that I was going to Guatemala but didn't even know why I was headed there.
Lady: Aren't you scared of bandits in Guatemala?
Me: Why would I be scared of bandits?
Lady: I heard there were lots of bandits in third world countries.
Me: I have been there three times and I haven't seen a bandit. What does a bandit look like?
Lady: You probably stay in the resort areas, huh?
Me: We stay in the city.
Lady: I saw this movie once, true story, about these tourists that went to a third world country. They were kidnapped. Then they were killed and their organs were sold.
Me: That's funny since a lot of people in Guatemala think that I am traveling there to take their children and steal their organs.
posted by Annie and Greg @ 12:10 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
My mother-in-law said:
I would have placed a comment on your latest blog, but I didn't think I knew how. But my
comment would have been:
.... You are an organ donor, your babies have stolen your heart.
I think that sums it up!
I don't know what makes you think I would want to change your kid's dirty diaper. I've got enough of those already. : )
Annie and Greg,
My mom has asked me to post and say, "right on!" She was so pleased that I read her what you wrote and asked that I modify it and post something similar on our blog. It is weird since my husband is our town's hs principal, and I the cheer advisor...people will want to see our son, and we welcome it, but it is so hard to express that the literature says to wait a while.. this will help me to find the words to tell them that we love them, but we love our son more... lol! Thanks for the insight.. and thanks from my mom who has been telling people in our family this with much less polite words, lol!
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