25 Things

Back when I was in college I started keeping this notebook where I would write down bizarre comments that my friends and I would say. It is filled with such philosophical questions as when my friend Kevin asked, "What if we were all tree?" There are also a few lists in there such as the one, "What to do in Morgantown when really Bored" which includes such ideas as playing Go Fish and locking your keys in your car and calling to fire department to come and get them out for you (in their big red fire truck of course). Since the little notebook still had lots of blank pages in it after graduation, I kept adding quotes and lists to it. This all lead to the most recent list which is ongoing, but I will share it's contents with you now. (A little disclaimer, I didn't say all these things. Greg said some of them too. I refuse to admit who said what.)

Things I Never Said Until I Had Kids
1. Now you have salt in your ear. I bet that feels good.
2. Are you pooping?
3. No throwing, particularly syrup!
4. Don't lick the gate.
5. Don't lick your sleeve.
6. Don't lick the window.
7. Don't lick the dog.
8. I don't think the oven needs licked.
9. Get your finger out of your belly button.
10. You better not do that or I'll snap your tongue in there.
11. Awww... Love Mommy's toes.
12. If there is something coming out of your butt it usually means you are pooping.
13. Are you sorry for throwing Mrs. Butterworth?
14. I forgot to sing the potty song again.
15. We are going to use this when you are a teenager so you have a sleepy penis.
16. Are you pooping in your oven?
17. 409 is not a beverage.
18. I don't care what it is - a cold pack, a bag of salad, or Baby Peyote. One more thing and you're going to time out.
19. Let go so I can smell your butt.
20. Don't lick the butter.
21. Don't lick the salt.
22. Don't pound in the toilet.
23. I guess you are happy as long as you have a wet washcloth.
24. Let's see if there are more holes we can stick our fingers in!
25. We'll have to get your friends out of the dryer.